Practising with emotion and need cards: three rounds to start with

Cards are quick to buy, yet they often end up sitting in their box. But they only really come into their own when you hold them in your hand. Here are three simple activities to bring the feelings and needs cards to life – on your own, in pairs, or in a group.

1. On your own: an honest review of your day

Take a moment from your day that has stayed with you. Perhaps a comment that annoyed you, or a look that made you feel good. First, lay out the emotion cards that match that moment. Allow yourself to choose several – emotions rarely come alone. Then look at the needs cards: which need was met, and which wasn’t? Often, anger softens as soon as the need behind it is named.

2. In pairs: Showing empathy without guessing

One person briefly describes a situation that’s on their mind. The other listens and quietly places one or two needs cards on the table that they think might apply. No advice, no analysis – just a suggestion: “Is this what’s important to you?” Sometimes the card is right; sometimes your partner places another one next to it. Both approaches bring you closer together.

3. In a group: looking beyond the accusation

Pick out a typical phrase that might be said during an argument. “You never listen.” Place it in the middle. Now the group works together to explore: what feelings might be stirring within the person who says something like that? And what needs are being expressed there? The interpretation cards help to distinguish the accusation from the request that is often hidden within it.

You don’t need a perfect method to get started. Just get going, let the cards do the work, and stay curious about what emerges.