The Wolf and the Giraffe: the two languages of non-violent communication

People attending a Non-Violent Communication (NVC) workshop for the first time are sometimes puzzled: why are there giraffes and wolves lying around here? These two animals aren’t just child’s play, but a metaphor that Marshall Rosenberg introduced to Non-Violent Communication. And it has far-reaching implications.

The giraffe: the animal with the big heart

According to NVC, the giraffe has the biggest heart of any land animal, and it carries it high. Its long neck gives it a broad perspective. In Non-Violent Communication, it stands for a way of speaking that remains true to itself: I say what I observe, how I feel, what I need, and what I’m asking for. None of this is watered down. Giraffe language can be very clear and very honest. It simply avoids blame.

The wolf: not the villain, but the desperate one

The wolf judges, demands, threatens. ‘Always’, ‘never’, ‘typical’, ‘it’s your own fault’. It would be easy to cast him as the villain. In NVC, he isn’t. Behind every ‘wolf’ statement lies an unmet need that is simply being expressed clumsily. Those who listen to the wolf without lashing out usually discover precisely that need.

Both live within us

That is the real point: it’s not about becoming a good giraffe person and getting rid of the wolf. Both are there. The exercise involves interpreting the wolf, both in the other person and within oneself. Hand puppets, cards and floor mats are merely tools for this. They make visible what would otherwise quickly get lost in an argument.